They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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