Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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