i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
