How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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