her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
