It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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