I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I have post one night stand depression
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