Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
