I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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