Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
as a side note pls kill me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
