sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
