dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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