We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
