he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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