ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
