I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
a search helicopter?!
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
