Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
