So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
