just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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