There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
