she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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