kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
