Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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