kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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