I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
