My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
