duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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