I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
