look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
