my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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