I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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