two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
