Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
