i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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