omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
