The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
