fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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