so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
