I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
