9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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