i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
