that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
