Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
