I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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