he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
this is an emotional support booty call
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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