fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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