oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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