If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
