Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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