when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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